Saturday, 31 August 2013

5 detailed techniques to help solve conflicts in your relationships

1. Let your partner be him/herself in your union

Getting married does not mean forgetting yourself. It only means making 2 lives intertwine in order to bring the beauty of togetherness and variety. 1+1=3, 1+1=1, 1+1=5, whichever one you believe in, synergy is synergy. We all know it is impossible to play hypocrite forever, one day the real person will come out. It could be through conflicts, when you are with friends, at work or whenever.

If you allow your husband to listen to the kind of music he loves, hang out with the friends he loved before he married you, eat the food he loves, dress the way he loves, play his video games, watch his favorite sports, voice out your opinion/comments in a constructive way afterwards. Complement him and make him feel like a king. He would find it difficult to hide things from you. If your wife hates washing dishes look for an alternative, if she hates cooking seek other ways (with her input), if she hates doing laundry do not force her (even though every woman must be domestic at heart, some are just not cut out for jobs like that). You can encourage her to cook more or if you can cook offer to stay with her in the kitchen. No rule in marriage says a chore belongs to the wife or husband. If your wife loves her friends, let her hang out with them, if she loves to party please give her the freedom (you met her at a party so why do you want to stop her from going for parties?). When you give the freedom and express your concerns in a loving manner, she will settle for what is more important to her.

2. Learn to say I am SORRY!

This is a big issue, in marriage, lock up your pride in some old closet and throw away the keys. Marriage is not an institution where pride will ever set you free or make you a better person. It is difficult and can sometimes bring a bad taste in your mouth when you have had a disagreement with your partner and you begin to look for every excuse to say you were right and not apologize. No one can ever win a battle in marriage, what sense is there in winning a battle against your own team? Be wise and humble.

Never ask for divorce in the middle of a fight because she will never forget. Never talk down on her in public or private, never gossip about her with your friends or family, always say THANK YOU and PLEASE. Never be too proud to ask for her help because you will always need it; do not raise your hands against her, use those hands to protect and soothe her, never see her as your ‘baby mama’ but your HELPER and BETTER HALF. Never see her PATIENCE and RESPECT as stupidity. PRAY for her.

How do you respect (Women)
Never ask for divorce or separation because he will capitalize on it. Never complain to your friends or family when you feel he has offended you, always COOK for your husband no matter how busy you are (the way you make sure your children are fed is the same way you must make sure he is fed (for married people)), when he says he is broke BELIEVE him and never call him a liar, say THANK YOU and PLEASE at all times. RESPECT your man’s hustle. PRAY for him not only in your closet but to his face. Never see his patience and respect as stupid and outrageous.

3. Stop using sex as a revenge tool, if your partner wants sex; please have sex with him or her. Sometimes in marriage lack of sex could cause friction, your partner could be upset that you have not had sex with him/her for a while and pick unnecessary and baseless fight with you. If you cannot decode this, you assume he/she does not love are care about you again and then you escalate the argument.
There is no point closing shop, in this shop there are no public holidays or strikes.
You own her body and she owns your body…..Period lol

4. Manage impasse with calm, patience and respect.We all know in relationships especially in marriage you seem to be at a point where there is nowhere to turn to, you feel trapped, that is the point where most people wonder ‘what did I get myself into’. Calm down, take a deep breath and before you start to curse your partner out or say things you will regret. Contrary to what most people feel patience and respect is not only for the woman, it is for all individuals under the face of the earth. The only reason a man will not listen to a woman is when she does not respect him, the only reason a woman would never listen to a man is when he does not respect her.
How do you respect (Men)

5. Seek first to undertstand, then be understood.
(If you want your partner to understand you, you have to understand him/her, let your partner speak first, acknowledge him/her then make your own point

Keep her happy and she will be at your service anytime (wink wink)
Finally all these said; please note that it is important to be responsible, you do not have to agree but try 2 of these 5 ways and see if they work for you. If you have your own ways of making your relationship work, stick to them. The most important thing is to ‘Make it work’ (Tim Gunn). God bless you guys and have a fabulous day.

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