We know you love your man, but's let's be honest - aren't there a few things you wish he'd do differently between the sheets? If sex has become a little predictable here's the good news: You can make your guy a better lover without damaging his ego (after all, he really does want to flip your pancake). Here's how to run things around - tonight!
Talk to him about it _ just not in the sack
Try bringing up the issue - what you'd love to change - just make sure it's outside the bedroom. Gail Wyatt, Ph.d., a licensed sex therapist, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles and co-author of No More Clueless Sex recommends taking the convo out of the bedroom. "These types of talks are better had outside of a sexual situation," she says,"and be sure to lead from a positive place." Wyatt suggests asking your partner to share what he likes the best and the least about your sex life."Then you'll have the forum to share your own thoughts."
Get out of your sex-on-a-schedule routine
Feel like sex always happens at the exact same time every week? If 9a.m. Saturday romps don't mesh with your schedule, reset his clock with a simple game. Tell him playfully that you're not having sex in the morning, but you'll be ready and willing at any other time of the day.
Men are competitive by nature, so he'll be dying to prove that he can wait and get creative. "It's also important not to reject your partner outright," says Wyatt. So instead of simply saying no, offer some steamy coming attractions. "Say something like, I'm not feeling partcularly sexy right now, but how about we put the kids to bed earlier tomorrow and shower together?" says Wyatt, "the key is to reshedule, not reject."
Slow down, cowboy
Has a quickie before shut-eye become a norm? "We're all hyper-scheduled these days, which isn't conducive to slowing down and enjoying life's greatest pleasures," says Wyatt. If your guy tends to be speed demon, resist the urge to tell to slow down and instead show him: If, he's flying through foreplay, Wyatt suggests pulling away playfully for a few seconds - if he speeds up, again, pull away again - do it as many times as you have to - he'll get the hint!
And as unsexy as it sounds, scheduling time for sex can also help your man relax and stop racing for the finish line. "Plan an hour of alone time in the morning before kids wake up," says Wyatt, "shower together and let nature take it's course."
Don't like what he's doing? Take control
If he's not touching you exactly the right place, or doing exactly the right thing once he's there take his hand and place it right where you want it. A little encouragement goes a long way, too. "This is another area where positive reinforcement is key," says Wyatt, "because no one likes to feel like they're doing a bad job in bed."So while you're gently guiding his hand, murmur "That feels great, can you do it a little faster?" "Women often expect their husbands to instinctively know what they like, but men aren't mind readers," says Wyatt, "so give the poor guy a hint now and then."
Deal with an eager beaver
Do you laugh at song lyrics that boast about making love all night long? If your man can't last very long in the sack, have a quickie first then get busy with a longer round two. He'll still be recovering from the first round that it will take him longer to climax (while you enjoy the ride.) Or, masturbate together first - the thrill of watching each other will also put you in the mood for round two. You won't be with a two-minute man much longer.
Break out the missionary rut
Man-On-Top can get boring pretty quick. Spice up sex by taking turns choosing positions and locations. As soon as you say, "Reverse cowgirl, dinning room table" he'll be weak in knees. Not enough? Check out naughty games like sex dice which pair an action (kiss) with a body part (neck) or download a daily sex position app to iPhone (be sure to send him the daily do).
Encourage him to have sex more often
Some men think about sex every 60 seconds, but what about us? For frisky ladies who can't wait to jump your guys any chance we get, then this game's for you. Place a set number of panties in a special place like a bathroom counter, nightstand, shared closet, his briefcase - wherever. Want to have sex three times a week?
Then place three flirty pairs of underwear there. At the beginning of the week, tell him he can get a peep show for each pair. Add sexily, "By Sunday night I don't want anything to wear." He'll be up for the challenge.
Make him a southern gentleman
A little role playing goes a long way here. You're the teacher, he's the student. Put him to the test as he heads south and give him one-word directions for how to please you "faster," "slower," "left," "right." Make sure to let him know you're loving' his moves with a few moans. He'll get an A+ for effort.
Is he too tired? Get him motivated!
After a long day at work, it's no surprise that you're left staring at the ceiling listening to him sweetly snore instead of heating up the sheets.
If your attempts at night-time lovin' are met with "I'm too tired," then try giving your guy more time to relax when he comes home. Turn on the TV and let him unwind. Or suggest just kissing and cuddling for five minutes before bedtime. We guarantee he won't want to pull away.
Increase his passion
On the libido lowdown? Help him turn things around with some amorous adventure. Watching a scary movie together or riding the tallest, fastest roller coaster - anything that gets you clutching on him - will get your guy in the mood. Things will start looking up.
Make him want you to rev up a limp noodle
If you want him to be a tiger in the bedroom then give him an eyeful. We're not suggesting you prepare dinner in a G-string, but something as simple as sleeping in the buff on weekends or buying some lacy lingerie to debut on Saturday night can turn your man into a sex machine, "Plus when you look sexy, you feel more confident and less inhibited and your husband will definitely pick up on your new found boldness," says lan Kerner,Ph.D., a sex therapist and auto of She Comes First.
Relive the past to get your mojo back
Every couple has memories of mind-blowing sex at a special vacation spot. Sometimes just being reminded of what can be ('cause it once was) is enough to get a lackluster lover back on track. "Take out your honeymoon album and reminisce about the great sex you had before jobs, bills and kids came along, "says Kerner.
"You can also point out photos of yourself in the teeny bikini and remind your husband how lucky he is. I've never seen it fail." If the budget allows, why not return to the passionate scene? "I've seen couples take third and fourth honeymoons to reignite their passion for each other," says Kerner.
Whatever you do, just focus on one thing at a time
Don't attempt a sexual-180 in one night, which will probably leave him suspicious that you're unhappy with his performance.
"Instead, focus on introducing something new into your sex lives that will jump start passion, like bringing home an erotic video or surprising your partner with a sexy get-away to a local hotel," says Kerner. We're sure he'll be thrilled to get with the program.
Culled from iVillage.com
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