Sunday, 25 August 2013

Now that you have him

It is what you have been waiting for. Maybe, you have even prayed and fasted, without end. Now, you have him! Before your family, friends and well-wishers, he came for your hand in marriage. On your part, you accepted to be with him, come what may. It is a beautiful story and surely made a pleasant sight.

Finally, your prayers have been answered. And now, tears on your face can be wiped for good. You are now Mrs. Somebody. And you are very likely so proud of your new status.
      Well, many married people will tell you that marriage entails a lot of hard work. By now, the fun of the wedding is largely over. You will have to face living life each passing day with the one you love. And that isn't fun, you will find. No doubt, you are very enthusiastic about the  future of your marriage.

       However, a pessimistic culture is fast taking over the institution of marriage in most times. People do not see why one should lose move on.'
     So, how can you make this new marriage a success? By now, you would have been given more advice than you can understand. Parents, friends and other well-meaning people sure had a say on how best you can become the wife who is dearly loved by her  husband.
But really, marriages do not usually fail for the dearth of advice. They often fail for the lack of good counsels and failure to heed them where they are available.

  Be happy

Relationship experts express the worry that most people enter marriage hoping that it will bring them happiness. They say that you only carry over whom you are when you marry. Marriages cannot change a sadist overnight.

    You have to be happy with yourself in order to bring happiness to the marriage. You cannot give what you do not have.  So, if you want a happy married, try being happy as a person.
You have probably heard the saying "Happy wife, happy life." Most, if not all, husbands would certainly agree to that! When a wife is unhappy, everyone in the household knows. Some days you may not feel like smiling around the house, but go ahead and fake it at first.

    Put that plastic smile on and most likely, your natural beautiful smile will emerge shortly after. Your smile will emerge shortly after. Your smile communicates to your man. It says: "I'm happy to be married to you. I am thankful for a great life with you."

Be selfless

   Second, experts say you have to be selfless in order to achieve a happy marriage. You can't wait until your husband does all the things he is supposed to do before you fully assume your responsibility as a wife.
  Many of today's wives are complaining left and right about their husbands' many shortcomings. So why should a wife make her husband happy when he is not making her happy?

   A middle-aged woman who has been married for close to 20 years has much to say on how being selfless does wonders to a marriage.
   "The game changes when we as wives make it our aim to bring joy to our marriage for the glory of God. It is no longer about"What have I done for you lately?" it's about " What have have I done for you lately?''
  "Instead of being dissappointed in what your husband hasn't done, you can experience great peace knowing that you are doing him good and not evil all the days of his life.
     "I can tell you that when you respect your spouse and practice making your husband happy, he will turn around and pour that love right back onto," she enthuses.

Be kind to your in-laws

    One of the major problems new wives have when they marry especially in Nigeria is dealing with in-laws. Often, the one most difficult to please among themis the mother-in-law. It has become so bad that many unmarried women are often heard praying that their mothers-in-law should not be alive when they marry.

     Getting married means taking on additional responsibilities. And for the first few weeks, it is all about impressions. First impressions are lasting impressions. You may not get another chance to rewrite a bad impression before your in-laws.

      It is often more difficult when a new wife has to share the share the same home with her in-laws. If that is your case, then endeavour to be at your best as much as possible. Do your best to win the approval of your in-laws.
    For some others, they will have to share residence with in-laws for a few days after their wedding. Whatever the situation may be for you, do your best to be in good terms with your in-laws before you leave.
   It is suggested that you try and get up early  in the morning and complete your daily chores, take your bath and get ready.

Prepare yourself mentally to work for your in-laws. Help your mother-in-law. Do your best to see her as your mother and even where she did not approve of the marriage, this time may give her a chance to love and appreciate you.

Keep sex in its place

    Women understand intellectually that sexual fulfillment is a top need of a man. But do your actions demonstrate that you really get it? Sex is usually not a problem for most newlyweds.
    It is later in life that sex becomes a problem. Maybe you have endured a heavy traffic back from work, you may have taken care of the kids, cooked a delicious dinner,. The next thing, you want to fall yakata for bed.
Compared to the other wives you know,you are doing pretty well.
     Yet you may be disconnecting his need for fulfilling sex. Most husbands would rather have dishes in the sink and a wife waiting in the bedroom. Again, do not use sex as a bargaining price.

Let your man lead

The idea of submission has many  women up in arms. That does not need to be the case. The holy books hold that a husband should be the head of family.
   This doesn't mean the wife becomes a doormat. What it does mean is that you respect your husband's role as the leader of the home. After you have weighed in on a topic, the final decision belongs to your man.  And when he does decide, do your best to support him and make it a success.

   Some wives would sit by the corner and wait for the decision to fail. It gives such a woman so much satisfaction to tell her husband: 'But I told you so.' Well,in as much as the man may not take on all your suggestions, his failure is also your failure.
While it may not be easy, you should still work for the success of his decisions whether you believe in them or not.

Make your home a haven

The world can be a tough place. When your husband walks in the door,  he needs to breathe a sigh of  relief. Think of how you greet your husband.
  Make your home a place where your husband feels welcome. To achieve a clean and comfortable home, you may need to delegate appropraitely.

Remember, you too are human being. So, do not take the whole and sole responsibility of the house. Share with your husband, sister-in-law and mother-in-law too, where they are available.

Take care of your appearance

  When you were dating, your husband found your body type attractive. He was hooked on your looks. Now that you married, it is important that he still finds you attractive.
   When you take time and effort to watch your weight and dress nicely for your spouse,it communicates volumes. I care about you. You're still the one for me. I want you to approach.

Speak kindly to your husband

  If someone were to repeat all the things you say to  your husband, would it be "news that's fit to print?" Are you heaping on praise and encouragement, or criticism and sarcasm?
    Treasure your husbands efforts to please you and provide for your family. Don't trash what he does either to his face or behind his back. Your words matter more to him than anyone else's

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